


Unexpected Company

by Aetherius



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: A Dragonborn A Housecarl and a Necromancer walk into an alchemy shop..., Blood, Crack, Gen, Murder, Skyrim Kink Meme, Skyrim Quest: Blood on the Ice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:47:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26634610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aetherius/pseuds/Aetherius
Summary: It was supposed to be a quiet breakfast at the White Phial. Then the Butcher attacked...
Kudos: 1





	Unexpected Company

**Author's Note:**

> god I thought I posted this here literally years ago, whoops
> 
> Originally posted on the Meme 2/11/2016
> 
> _AN: Two hours to kill with the phone so figured I'd whip up something cracky. This prompt is pure gold. Apologies if there's errors, this is typed up on mobile._

“What is with all that racket? Some people are trying to eat breakfast in peace.” Nurelion muttered.  
  
Quintus wiped his mouth. “It's just the market, Master. I believe it's fish day today and-”  
  
“Spare me the excuses.”  
  
Nurelion threw his knife on the plate and stood up. Immediately he bent down again, body-shaking coughs racking his frame. Quintus was up and across the room for the tonic, placing it in Nurelion's hand moments after he sat down.  
  
Someone outside screamed and other voices joined in.  
  
“It's a dead fish! Auriel's sake!” Nurelion yelled over his shoulder. “Stop screaming! You'd think someone was being murdered-”  
  
The Phial's front door exploded inward and several pairs of boots stumbled inside. There was shouting and clashing of steel. And glass breaking.  
  
“Get out of my shop!” Nurelion cried, running for the stairs.  
  
“Master-!”  
  
“Get out before I break your skulls!”  
  
Downstairs there were near two dozen guards in uniform - how they all fit inside was a mystery but more importantly-  
  
“Euaaahghh!”  
  
An old man charged into them. He had a knife and he was reaching for Nurelion's neck-  
  
An armored Argonian leapt clear across the room and landed jaws first on the man's shoulder. Blood squirted out of everywhere. The weight of one aged Altmer, two Imperials and one tail-writhing Argonian was too much for the straining wooden beams. It collapsed in a cloud of dust, breaking two crates and all the potions inside.  
  
The Argonian was still wriggling, chomping on the man's neck and shoulders. Quintus was crying, thinking of all the ingredients and rare, masterfully made potions of Master Nurelion's that he would spend the next eight months replacing. And Nurelion-  
  
“GET OUT OF MY SHOP!”  
  
He flailed his arms for something, anything, finally finding a bottle which he smashed on the Argonian's head. The lizard stumbled back and shook its head, hissing at the liquid coating its face.  
  
A guard stepped forward to help them up. “Sorry sir. It's just- he's the Butcher and-”  
  
“Get out! Get out! Get out!”  
  
The guards couldn't push each other out fast enough to escape the Master Alchemist's famed temper. The Argonian peeled the dead man off the two merchants and tossed it toward the door.  
  
Quintus did a double take. Calixto? The harmless old man with the bauble shop? Not that the body resembled him much, with the left arm barely attached to the body and an oval chuck where his shoulder and ribs used to be.   
Nurelion stood, his arms shaking and body drenched in blood on the front and sixteen different concoctions on his back.  
  
The Argonian's tail twitched and he cocked his head. “I apologize for the mess-”  
  
“OUT!”  
  
The lizard scooped up the body and slammed the door shut, leaving them alone on what was supposed to be a quiet morning.  
  
“Inventory this mess.” Nurelion grimaced and gestured to the ruined crates. Quintus winced. The ingredients from Mournhold were in there and Divines knew when they'd get another Morrowind shipment. “Send a bill to the Palace. Their guards made half the mess, and they'll know who that wild dockworker was.”  
  
Quintus closed his mouth, recalling the distinct jagged black armor the Argonian had worn. He doubted the lizard was a dockworker, but with Nurelion in such a state he didn't dare correct him.  
  
“How in Oblivion am I supposed to get to my bed?!” He shouted, arms outstretched for the upper level.  
  
“I will... Get a ladder.” Nurelion turned to correct him- “After I clean this up, Master. I understand.”  
  
“Eh. No lollygagging.” Nurelion winced and picked a path through broken glass. “What in Sithis do I pay taxes for, if they just run in here and destroy half the damn place...”  
  
Quintus sighed and went to the broom closet for a pan. He'd be lucky if he got to finish that chapter of _De Rerum Dirennis_ by New Life.

**Author's Note:**

> looking back I know the DB is written to be just a generic Argonian!DB but, the more I look back through my Meme docs, I think this is where Zee (Zevan-Tei) comes from lol


End file.
